Monday, May 22, 2006

An Introverted Welcome?

So one day I went to another church because my family were away and I didn't have transport to commute to my normal church. I just wanted to go to church and not get involved. (Watch "Hank Goes Church Shopping" on Jamie Davies blog (May 12 2006) ... am I the only one to see the megachurch and somewhere underneath all the well-placed cynicism, feel a tiny desire to sometimes just go to church and have no-one need me to do anything today, because today God's going to entertain me?!)

And so as I go in to this definitely-non-megachurch, I don't expect to go there regularly so I don't want to get embroiled in conversation about who I am, investing myself in relationships that aren't actually going to be developed. I body swerve the greeter, realising at the last minute I need a hymn book from him, so discreetly grunt, murmur and take one with minimum interaction. Then at the end of the service I work out the best route past him. I see him looking, weighing up how much he knows he should try to make me feel welcome against the unfriendly vibes I'm giving off. So I throw a nod as I skim past. And I feel his pain, because I am him. He's thinking, as I would, "did I just let God down?" "Have I just made that guy think we don't care?" How often have I felt like that when I just want to speak with my friends at church and so I watch the visitor hoping someone else will speak to them.

Aside ... Why do I hope so fervently to get a seat by myself each morning on the train to college, yet when I get to college I hope equally fervently one of my friends will be in the student common room to sit and chat with?

Back again ... Why is it that when I do speak with a visitor, we can talk for ages if they turn out to be a secure middle class evangelical christian, but we stumble over meaningless small talk if its someone not very much like me. So do I help them feel welcome or valued by our community, by my fumbled and forced conversation? Isn't my welcome a bit false if I struggle to connect with someone who is not like me. ("Like me" and "not like me" are both quite broad categories in my experience)

Perhaps the best way for a visitor to experience our community is through relationships built outside the church so if they do come in, they come already in relationship with someone from the church, hence the importance of being incarnationally missional. But in reality there will always be visitors who come alone, for hundreds of different reasons.

How do we genuinely welcome those different from ourselves? Is welcome always about conversation? Perhaps its freedom not to have conversation. Perhaps its an offer of a lift home. What is "welcome" for those who feel threatened by their difference?

6 comments:

boxthejack said...

Tea. The answer is tea. If I get greeted without being offered a cup of tea it's obviously a hollow welcome.

Johnny said...

I'm off to join the tea rota. If you come to my church, I'm the one too busy making sure no kids are taking two biscuits to realise I've asked you if you want sugar three times, without actually giving you any sugar.

Jamie said...

"Perhaps the best way for a visitor to experience our community is through relationships built outside the church so if they do come in, they come already in relationship with someone from the church, hence the importance of being incarnationally missional."

Or, is it for the church to break down dichotomies like "inside/outside"... (do I sound like a broken record?)

So that, like a comment I read recently, when our friends ask us (after a long chat over coffee) when our church service is we can say "You just had it".

Johnny said...

I believe you may have said something like that before now ... but none-the less valid for repitition, especially if I didn't get the point the first time.

"we can say "You just had it"".

...yes, followed by, "but there are other services with some weird practices we call sacraments that need some explaining, but I'd like to introduce you to them, because without doing them too as at least an aspect of an ongoing habit of church, this coffee might just be coffee."

Jamie said...

I wondered whether you'd take the bait there Johnny!

Agreed. The fundamental difference is, of course, that we "introduce" people to these things as a fuller expression of the community they have already entered (through sharing a coffee) rather than a "now that we've welcomed you over coffee, let's get you over the threshold and into the real church".

Richard said...

On the question of introversion, I can offer no better analysis than this:
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch